Emotional Intelligence & Working With Emotional Intelligence
by Daniel Goleman
Prepare yourself not just for some soul-searching, but for some real Eureka moments.
Daneil Goleman's two EI books take you on a journey deep within, but also give you the tools to persuade, convince, and - yes - even manipulate those around you. It isn't NLP, it's what NLP was made from.
Thoroughly researched, basic things like "why do certain pieces of music bring memories flooding back" get covered in a way that asks you to choose "do I want to keep that or shall I get rid of it?". Much more importantly, it addresses the kinds of questions we adults should be asking:
* [Salesman, teacher, professor, marketer] if I want to persuade or convince, what signals am I looking for to continue down a track or change tactic? What methods usually work? What are the alternatives?
* [Parent, teacher] What will determine each child's success? How can I develop those skills? What do they mean for me in later life without having learnt them in childhood?
* [lawyer, solicitor, negotiator] what's top of the game? What am I missing that I need to learn/ develop? How can I go about it?
This isn't a book about good ideas. This stuff works. It has worked for centuries, it has been researched and tested for decades, and it will probably work for centuries to come. Get it, read it, weep over lost opportunities, then reach for the stars and win!
Emotional Intelligence refer to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. It describes abilities distinct from, but complimentary to, acasdemic intelligence, the purely cognitive capacities measured by IQ. Many people who are book smart but lack emotional intelligence end up working for people who have lower IQs than they but who excel in emotional intelligence skills.
There are five basic emotional and social competencies:
1. Self-awareness
Knowing what we are feeling in the moment, and using those preferences to guide our decision making;having a realistic assessment of our own abilities and a well-grounded sense of self-confidence
2. Self-regulation
Handling our emotions as that they facilitate rather than interfere with the task at hand; being conscientious and delaying gratification to pursue goals; recovering well from emotional distress.
3. Motivation
Using our deepest preferences to move and guide us toward our goal, to help us take initiative and strive to improve, and persevere in the face of setbacks and frustrations
4. Empathy
Sensing what people are feeling, being able to take their perspective, and cultivating rapport and attunement with a broad diversity of people.
5. Social skills
Handling emotions in relationships well and accurately reading social situations and networks; interacting smoothly; using these skills to persuade and lead, negotiate and settle disputes, for cooperation and teamwork.
The Emotional Competence Framework
Personal Competence
These competencies determine how we manage ourselves
Self-Awareness
Knowing one's internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions
1. Emotional awareness:
Recognizing one's emotions and their effects
People with this competence:
1. Know which emotions they are feeling and why
2. Realize the links between their feelings and what they think,
do, and say
3. Recognize how their feeling affect their performance
4. Have a guiding awareness of their values and goals
2. Accurate self-assesment:
Knowing one's Inner Resources, Abilities, and Limits
People with this competence are:
1. Aware of their strengths and weaknesses
2. Reflective, learning from experience
3. Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self-development
4. Able to show a sense of humor and perspective about themselves.
3. Self-confidence:
A strong sense of one's self-worth and capabilities
People with this competence:
1. Present themselves with self-assurance: have 'presence'
2. Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right.
3. Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressures
Self-Regulation
Managing one's internal states, impulses, and resources
1. Self-Control:
Keeping disruptive emotions and impulse in check
People with this competence:
1. Manage their impulsive feelings and distressing emotions well
2. Stay composed, positive, and unflappable even in trying
3. Think clearly and stay focused under pressure
2. Trustworthiness:
Maintaning standards of honesty and integrity
People with this competence:
1. Act ethically and are above reproach
2. Build trust through their reliability and authenticity
3.Admit their own mistake and confront unetichal actions in others
4. Take tough, principled stands even if they are unpopular
3. Conscientiousness:
Taking responsibility for personal performance
People with this competence:
1.Meet commitments and keep promises
2. Hold themselves accountable for meeting their objectives
3. Are organized and careful in their work
4. Adaptability:
Flexibility in handling change
People with this competence:
1. Seek out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources
2. Entertain original solutions to problems
3. Generate new ideas
4. Take fresh perspectives and risks in their thinking
5. Innovation:
Being comfortable with novel ideas, approaches, and new information
People with this competence:
1. Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change
2. Adapt their responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances
3. Are flexible in how they see events
Motivation
Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals
1.Achievement drive:
Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence
People with this competence:
1. Are results-oriented, with a high drive to meet their objective and standards
2. Set challenging goals and take calculated risks
3. Pursue information to reduce uncertainty and find ways to do better
4. Learn how to improve their performance
2. Commitment:
Aligning with the goals of group or organization
People with this competence:
1. Readily make sacrifices to meet a larger organizational goal
2. Find a sense of purpose in the larger mission
3.Use the group's core values in making decisions and clarifying choices
4. Actively seek out opportunities to fullfill the group's mission
3. Initiative:
Readiness to act on opportunities
People with this competence:
1. Are ready to seize opportunities
2. Pursue goals beyond what's a required or expected of them
3. Cut through red tape and bend the rules when necessary to get the job done
4. Mobilize others through unusual, enterprising efforts
4. Optimism:
Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks
People with this competence:
1. Persist in seeking goals despite obstacles and setbacks
2. Operate from hope of success rather than fear of failure
3. See setbacks as due to manageable circumstance rather than a personal flaw
Social Competence
These competencies determine how we handle relationships.
Empathy
Awareness of other's feelings, needs, and concerns
1. Understanding others:
Sensing others' feeling and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns
People with this competence:
1. Are attentive to emotional cues and listen well
2. Show sensitivity and understand other's perspectives
3. Help out based on understanding other people's needs and feelings
2. Developing others:
Sensing others' development needs and bolstering their abilities
People with this competence:
1. Acknowledge and reward people's strengths and accomplishments
2. Offer useful feedback and identify people's needs for further growth
3. Mentor, give timely coaching, and offer assignments that challenge and foster a person's skills
3. Service orientation:
Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers' needs
People with this competence:
1. Understand customers' needs and match them to services or products
2. Seek ways to increase customers' satisfaction and loyalty
3. Gladly offer appropriate assistance
4. Grasp a customer's perspective, acting as a trusted advisor
4. Leveraging diversity:
Cultivating opportunities through different kinds of people
4. Challenge bias and intolerance
5. Political awareness:
Reading a group's emotional currents and power relationships
People with this competence:
1. Accurately read key power relationships
2. Detect crucial social networks
3. Understand the forces that shape views and actions of clients, customers or competitors
4. Accurately read organizational and external realities
Social Skills
Adaptness at inducing desirable responses in others
1. Influence:
Wielding effective tactics for persuasion
People with this competence:
1. Are skilled at winning people over
2. Fine-tune presentations to appeal to listener
3. Use complex strategies like indirect influence to build consensus and support
4. Orchestrate dramatic events to effectively make a point
2. Communication:
Listening openly and sending convincing message
People with this competence:
1. Are effective in give-and-take, registering emotional cues in attuning their message
2. Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly
Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and welcome sharing of information fully
4. Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well as good
3. Conflict management:
Negotiating and resolving disagreements
People with this competence:
1. Handle difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact
2. Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open, and help de-escalate
3. Encourage debate and open discussion
4. Orchestrate win-win solutions
4. Leadership:
Inspiring and guiding individuals and groups
People with this competence:
1. Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vivison and mission
2. Step forward to lead as needed, regardless of position
3. Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable
4. Lead by example
5. Change catalyst:
Initiating or managing change
People with this competence:
1. Recognize the need for change and remove barriers
2. Challenge the status quo to acknowledge the need for change
3. Champion the change and enlist others in its pursuit
4. Model the change expected of others
6. Building bonds:
Nurturing instrumental relationships
People with this competence:
1. Cultivate and maintain extensive informal networks
2. Seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial
3. Build rapport and keep others in the loop
4. Make and maintain personal friendships among work associates
7. Collaboration and cooperation:
Working with others toward shared goals
People with this competence:
1. Balance a focus on task with attention to relationships
2. Collaborate, sharing plans, information, and resources
3. Promote a friendly, cooperative climate
4. Spot and nurture opportunities for collaboration
8. Team capabilities:
Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals
People with this competence:
1. Model team qualities like respect, helpfulness, and cooperation
2. Draw all members into active and enthusiastic participation
3. Build team identity, esprit de corps, and commitment
4. Protect the group and its reputation; share credit.
